the bitter pill

I used to love what i was doing. I've always prided my self as a carefree woman - not affected by any stresses in life. I used to laugh hard and appreciate everyone from the bottom of my heart. When i am upset, I show it and then forget like nothing happened. I used to forget about time. Being here and there in a flash; doing almost everything gets me excited - the karate club at this hour, debate practice next, writing sessions afterwards and of course bonding with friends at the end of the day. It felt like everything has fallen into place for me. I didn't care at all about how people might think. I have friends and i can do whatever i want. All i ever wanted was to be happy and i was because i had the freedom to do things that make me really happy.
I guess that was what it meant to be in college. My college years were great. You start to try on a lot of things hoping to find a place where you fit in and when you do, you start to feel elated, perfect and invulnerable like the world has just become ideal for you.
And then suddenly, just right after graduation, you hear yourself asking, "what's next?". Your college friends who used to adore you are going separate ways. You enter a new world where you become a stranger again, hoping to fit in somewhere. But this time, a lot is at stake.
You start to think that having a job should be prioritized or else you'd go on starving. Most parents think that their investments should return profit not for themselves but for you to survive.
And then you start to forget what your dreams were. Maybe some wanted to become a musician, others a painter. But reality strikes at us saying that you can't live with sheet music or paint brush alone especially with our economy today. We become burdened by the fact that we have to live. I used to dream of a life of being a writer, going places and writing about things that i see. But as mentioned, reality is always looming. We have to take the bitter pill in order to live.
But the question still, is there a way for us live what we've always dreamt of and be truly happy? Can we escape the life of a puppet which follows whatever his master makes him do? I'm glad that i can do the things i love but i hate to think that i do the things i do because i HAVE to and not because i LOVE to.
i am studying medicine now. As a child, i used to dream of treating people and i was happy now that i'm half-way through realizing that. But what bothered me was sometimes, it seemed that being a doctor will give you thoughts away from helping others.
As for me, i'd never stopped writing. I still write while i, sometimes, become a puppet. I know someday i will break away from the strings attached to me. I can be a doctor as well as a writer as long as i hold on to my dreams. I dream of becoming happy and everyone should too.